True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
