I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
