i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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