make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
