and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it's like heaven, but drunker
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
