Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
