I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize