"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My Sexting was not on an AP level
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
