I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
