Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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