Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
