For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
