Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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