The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
