HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
