i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
