Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
