Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
