What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
True college students do jello shots in the library
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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