k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
sex in a hospital.. check
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
