Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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