How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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