ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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