We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
