pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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