My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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