The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
