Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
