soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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