I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
