Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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