I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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