I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
