Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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