weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
