I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
