And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
