Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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