Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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