if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
