You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I looked at my own cervix.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize