not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
