was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
