apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
