I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize