The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
There's even glitter on my cock...
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