Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
