and she was petting her beer can
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
