i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
