Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
