party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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