Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
