C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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