So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize