just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
