I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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