Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
