Too much gin, very little bucket
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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