Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm sobbing to NWA
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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