she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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