and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know š
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out āmange moiā so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
FYI - Donāt go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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