Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Oh god it's open bar.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
