Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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