We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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