why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So much rum. So many feels.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
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