the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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