Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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