I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
