just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
