is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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