I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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