there's paper in my vomit.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
