it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
