just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
