First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
